Sleepless nights

I decided tonight that I didn’t want to do a “catching up” post. I wanted to relay all my thoughts, enlightenments, and love with all of you. I guess I thought by writing it down and remembering all of it as a whole would make it last a little longer. I have spent the last few nights with little to no sleep. I would love to say that all of those sleepless nights were for a good reason, but no not really. Until last night, I was actually thankful for last night’s long hours. Not the fact that my baby was sick but that I was there to hold, kiss, and rock that sick baby and make him feel better. I got to hold the now three year old that barley stops most days to even let me touch him much less just sit and hold him. But last night, in the dark with only the moonlight touching his little head, did I get to reveal in the fact that no one but me would do. That sleeping against me was the only sleep there was. As I sat there awake listening to him breath and feeling that little breath against my neck I remembered the first time I meet him, the first time I held him, and the first time we spent a night just such as this one, where only mommy would do. No, I do not like when my little ones are sick, but like most other mommies I like being needed. I like knowing that I am the one who has the magic kisses. That I am the only one who can hold them and rock them just the right way that they can find the rest they need. However through all of this I did realize how quickly their time as babies is slipping away. There are so many things I want for them, dreams that I want them to achieve, but for right now, just a brief few more years I just want them to be my babies. I am still my mother’s baby, even at almost 30, so I know that no matter their age, they will still be my babies, but my time of kissing boo-boos, rocking to sleep and singing the perfect lullabies are limited. So for now I will cherish and hold dear to my heart any sleepless nights I get to hold my babies. I will cherish those brief moments when a simple hug is all that is needed and I will hold dear those whispered words, of mommy I love you. Those are the things I will never forget and that make it all worth while.